The heart wants what the heart wants, and for a lot of us, it wants Calgary!
- “You Genuinely Believe 45 Minutes Is a ‘Quick Drive'”
In Calgary, everything is “just 15 minutes away,” even when it’s really 45 minutes across the city. Some have fully embraced the sprawl and think nothing of driving to the deep southeast for brunch or the northwest for a hike… as long as you have your podcast ready. Or, you’re like me and strive to live as close to the middle of the city as possible! - “You Get Unreasonably Excited When They Open a New Lane on Deerfoot”
At this point, you’ve accepted that you’ll spend a chunk of your life on Deerfoot Trail, but when they add a new lane, you act like it’s the greatest infrastructure miracle ever. “Wait, traffic will be 10% better for the next two months? Amazing!” Surprise, it’s not. Induced demand is a real thing, look it up! - “You’ve Stopped Trying to Understand Calgary Weather and Just Keep All Seasons of Clothes in Your Car”
Snow in May? Heatwave in February? Instead of fighting it, you now just have a stash of winter gear and summer clothes at all times—just in case. You know better than to trust the weather report, and if the Chinook arch shows up, well, you’re in for a wild ride. Essentials include a pair of winter gloves, a blanket, a toque, and maybe an emergency beer, just kidding! - “You Judge People Based on Their Ability to Parallel Park”
The true test of whether someone is a real Calgarian isn’t how long they’ve lived here—it’s whether they can flawlessly parallel park in an inner city neighbourhood, think Inglewood or Kensington without breaking a sweat. If you see someone struggling with a three-point turn, you just know they’re new here. - “You’ve Accepted That Snow Removal Is a Mythical Concept”
By now, you’ve stopped expecting timely snow removal in residential areas. You know you’ll be driving on packed snow or ice for at least two weeks after every big dump. And at this point, you’ve just learned to live with it—or bought a bigger truck. - “You Think Stampede Fashion Is ‘Normal’ for 10 Days Every Year”
Every year, without fail, you haul out your cowboy boots and hats like it’s the most natural thing in the world. Even though you haven’t set foot on a ranch in your life, for 10 days, you’re dressed like you’re auditioning for a country music video, and you think nothing of it. Oh, and if someone claims Cowboy Culture and Calgary don’t go hand in hand, “those be fightin’ words”. - “You’ve Developed an Irrational Loyalty to Your Local Brewery”
You swear by your favorite brewery (probably Wild Rose or Village), and while you might check out others, you’ll always come back to your go-to spot. Plus, you have strong opinions about which seasonal beers are overrated and which ones deserve a spot on the permanent lineup. Hoodoo, or Wraspberry at Wildrose gotta top my list! - “You Brag About How ‘Close’ You Are to the Mountains… But Haven’t Been in Six Months”
One of your favorite talking points is how Calgary is so close to the mountains, but you secretly haven’t gone hiking or skiing in months. You always say, “We should go this weekend!” but somehow, the plans keep getting pushed because life gets in the way. You still brag about the view from your last trip to Canmore though. Pro tip: Albertans enjoy a 30% resident discount at Alberta Fairmont properties, so if you find a great rate at The Banff Springs, or Chateau Lake Louise, there’s a chance you can get it even cheaper!